i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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