I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
