So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
