my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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