remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
