when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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