So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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