if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
