I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
