A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
