So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize