Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
