Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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