Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
