i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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