3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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