I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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