I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
