I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize