Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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