My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
