My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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