in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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