I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
