sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
