As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no you cant smoke seaweed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
