The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
