im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize