I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
