THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
