we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize