ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
