You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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