My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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