you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
