when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
