I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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