Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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