well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize