Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
