my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
