White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
