Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
