i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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