I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
