I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
