he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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