I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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