ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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