She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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