Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
