Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
