i already hear my dad disowning me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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