He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
