Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
