What a fucking waste of an outfit
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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