My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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