it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she looked like the before picture.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
