Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
