so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
