YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize