I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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