life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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