My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
