Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
