these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
