the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
