Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
