And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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