the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
