It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
