a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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